Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
