My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
