In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
