Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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