Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
