Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
