We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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