We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
