$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
