can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
