What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
