dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Someone came in the potted fern
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
