I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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