yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
