Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
