Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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