Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
