how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
