Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
