Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
