he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
