I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
