i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
