I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
