we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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