Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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