i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
