I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
