We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
