saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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