Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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