I think scott just propositioned me for sex
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
