I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
