Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
