and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
