Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
