Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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