Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
