what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
