small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
