last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
