THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
