Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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