you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
