Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
