Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
