btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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