Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
