Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
