I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
