...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
