you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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