he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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